Tonight I had the privilege of having dinner with five guys that I’ve called friends for quite some time. It was a good dinner, my favorite restaurant, and just a relaxing evening over all. As we started to leave, rain began falling and we all rushed to our vehicle to avoid getting wet. Normal reaction I suppose.

As I started to pull away from Texas Roadhouse the sky lit up with different shades of blue and green and thunder shortly followed. I actually smiled and got excited that we were having our first real thunderstorm! I can’t explain it, but I’ve just always enjoyed sitting outside on my balcony, excluding myself from the world and sitting in the presence of God during thunderstorms! 

Tonight was different though. Making my way over the Buchman bridge singing Shawn McDonald as loud as possible and laughing at people driving in the rain with their flashers on… The faces of those I met in Haiti started to come to mind. The children that fear the rain. The parents who wish they could protect those same children. The sickness and disease that’s starting to spread as water flows between the cracks of rubble, over the remains of those bodies still trapped and into the streets where people are now sleeping brought my laughter to an abrupt halt.

I started to tear up. I thought about how many people are sleeping under nothing but a canopy of clouds and stars. Not just in Haiti, but in our own backyard. The homeless. The less fortunate. Those with no roof. How many people, that as I get pissed off at the people driving slow in front of me, are praying that the rain stop falling so they can remain dry. I don’t think rain will always make me cry, but it will definitely always make me think. So many of us are so blessed while others are living in extreme poverty. Their hopes and dreams of one day having the life that we may or may not take for granted… is all they have.

So with that in mind; “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; Rejoice!” Philippians 4:4

In the first 65 days of 2010, more has happened to me than I was ever expecting when the clock struck midnight and 2009 ended. I’ve seen a dead body torn into pieces. I’ve traveled outside of the country. I’ve lost focus. I’ve experienced unconditional love. I’ve experienced an earthquake. I’ve enrolled in EMT & Firefighter school. I’ve broken the heart of an amazing woman. And I’ve broken down to the point where I’m forced to look up.

My entire life I have been taught to prioritize. Year after year I have always been under the impression that it’s Jesus. Family. Church. Work. My plans for 2010 were no different. It really doesn’t seem like that bad of a list. But I’ve come to learn that it’s flawed. Anytime that we make a list, we leave room for compromise. God’s used the things that have taken place so far this year to show me that.

In life we will sometimes choose work over the church. We may choose obligations at work over the person that loves us unconditionally. We may even choose church over that person that loves us! Nothing mentioned is acceptable, but it does happen. Bringing forth a very big realization in putting Jesus Christ on a list… We may not mean too and even though it’s not right, we end up placing things on our list, on hold, and I’m guilty of putting God on hold. That’s been my biggest mistake and I was wrong!

JESUS CHRIST IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PLACED ON A LIST!

We have to make the decision that Jesus is LIFE. That whether it be Family, Church, Work or anything else, Jesus Christ is all we do. Jesus is the REASON for all that we do! He isn’t a priority we place on a list. He is the list. He’s involved in every aspect of our life. I have been studying God’s word a lot lately and this hit me harder, I think, than anything ever has:

“Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. ³For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.⁴When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.”Colossians 3:1-4

Wow!! As Christians, claiming to have new life with Christ, we are called to die to ourselves. Our “list.” We are called to focus on nothing less than things above. No exception, nothing here on earth. Meaning that God is going to use us for HIS WILL and we will be seen only for doing things that bring Him Glory. At times this may mean that we have very little of what we want, but as long as we are in the will of God it doesn’t matter. It’s a choice we have to make.

In the passage from Colossians, Paul tells us to “Set your mind on things above…” The greek verb for set emphasizes an ongoing decision. We must continually discipline ourselves to focus on eternal realities, instead of the temporal realities of this earth. So much easier said than done.

Example: There are nights that I fall asleep remembering what I saw in Haiti and it makes me cry. There are decisions I’ve made that hurt others. I feel some moments from this year I could live “in” forever and be happy. There are things that I wish I could do more of and wish I could change… but ultimately those are things that I want.

I’m being disciplined right now to focus on what God desires of me each day, to bring Him Glory. I know that it will be humbling, may hurt at times, and not always what I want. But as Im on my knees, broken and looking towards Jesus Christ, that is what he’s telling me to do! Start over and make him the priority. I’m choosing to continue pursuing His will for my life and I’m throwing my list out the window. The end.

For quite some time I have been getting advice from the Second book of Justification rather than the Bible.  As an organization, I have justified in my head why It was a good idea to keep quiet about Jesus;  Rather than proudly proclaiming who he is within itsChance. Excuses were related to receiving grants, being allowed in schools, “religion” turning people away, etc etc. This has proven to be devastating to my personal walk with Jesus, this is why:

-If God has called you to something, and you try to take God out of it, you lose focus of why you are doing it. You begin to accept the praises of man rather than the satisfaction in Christ.

-Because you start becoming comfortable with mans acceptance, your defenses fall and you become more vulnerable to what Satan may attack you with.

-As Christians we are called to a “higher standard” of life. When you hide your cross you hide the opportunity for others to hold you accountable.

I say all these things, having experienced them first hand. I let the thought that “religion” turns people away outweigh the fact the love of Jesus Christ radically changes someone’s life. In doing so I hurt others, I haven’t been living each day to the full potential, but more importantly it caused me to stumble as a leader. I lost focus. I became comfortable. Satan attacked. And I had the lack of accountability that I should. I literally put my cross in my pocket for no one else to see.

I’m not sure what God has in store for me, but I know that the key to being successful is found here:

“This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.” Joshua 1:8

I’m not beating myself up. I’m not seeking pity or a pat on the back. I’m just choosing to be transparent. As both an individual and the founder of itsChance, things have to change in some regards. I have to pray daily. Seek God’s guidance. Have those that hold me accountable. Not be ashamed of Jesus Christ. And most importantly, let my actions speak louder than words!

From this point forward, it’s not going to be hidden that itsChance is an organization that provides serving outlets, outreach opportunities, and education that helps build strong communities and leadership qualities. But also for empowering young adults with the promises of Jesus Christ for their life! He IS the reason itsChance exist.

I was in Haiti for 12 days. I’ve been home for 8 days.  I’ve been pissed off. Happy.  Sad.  Sleepless. Confident.  Curious.  Thankful I was able to go and help but at moments, can’t think about anything else but going back.  Before leaving the comfort of my home, my day to day living and heading to Haiti, I was told it would change my life.  So I expected to come back different, just didn’t know what different would look like.

After twelve days of traveling to Haiti, helping Haiti, hurting with Haiti and loving Haiti, I now have a better definition of different because of Haiti, but feel each day I’m learning more and more.  As a team we united a family, provided food, medical care, prayed for people, baptized people and even helped build walls and set up make shift tents.  In twelve days Jesus Christ used us in ways we never anticipated.  Therefore exposing us to things that only He knew we would see.  Those things changed my heart!

For the first time I’ve experienced true poverty.  I’ve walked through a third world country.  I’ve seen unimaginable destruction and have had to experience death in ways I never thought I would.  I feel like all of this impacted my life, yes, but it was the love that flooded the streets that made things different. It was the Haitian people smiling.  People holding hands.  Children playing.  People going back to work and people helping their neighbors.  Haitians offering to help us in any way possible! More than anything, seeing Haiti’s hope in Jesus Christ only days after the very little they had, was lost as the world they knew fell to the ground around them… changed my life. Changed my entire thought process.  Literally made my heart different.

I feel like I have so much to be thankful for.  That I should smile more. Hold hands more.  Invest into the lives of children more. Help my neighbors and do everything I can to love what I live.  No matter where I am, No matter who I’m with… to let others see how different my heart is!  I feel like if God allowed me to experience everything I did, and I don’t live a life full of love so that others can see how different He has made my heart, I’m disrespecting Haiti.  I’m selling short the people in my life.  I’m not letting others see who Jesus Christ is to me.  I never thought of it that way before I went to Haiti.  Before I saw everything I did.  So with a few more blogs planned about our trip to Haiti, I felt this one needed to be first.  That everyone getting ready to read about each day, about the lessons learned as a leader and our future plans to help Haiti, knows that everything we just did was based around the will of God. That because of His plans, my heart is different.

1)  Talk to people! I spent this morning sipping coffee and writing some future stuff I’ll publish… and literally, just being nice and talking to others in the coffee shop mattered to people.  Showing someone you care is as simple as listening to what they have to say!

2)  Laugh! I spent a few hours today watching children jump on an inflatable play house.  They threw the football.  They tried their hardest to send the basketball high enough in the hair, that it would go threw the net.  It was something they regularly do… but all of these things involved children laughing.  Laughter literally changes lives!!

3)  Give! Doesn’t matter what it is, just give something.  The local church I attend passed out one thousand toys today to inner city children that otherwise wouldn’t have gifts this Christmas! It as an amazing experience and we were able to be a part of it through simply giving our time!  Giving brings you to a place that’s unexplainable! Don’t believe me, try it!

4)  Befriend Someone! Sure they probably won’t become your best friend, but maybe simply showing them that someone cares, even in that moment, will restore hope and faith in their life.  Some friends and I spent the afternoon downtown simply talking to strangers, buying their lunches and for an afternoon, being the best friend possible!

5)  Appreciate All Things! Even after talking to new people, laughing like a child, giving to the less fortunate and befriending the homeless… I realize more and more that there is so much I take for granted!  Sitting on my balcony this afternoon looking out at the sun slipping behind the horizon, God reminded me of just how blessed I am to have all the things in my life that I do! Some of the smallest things we over look, are the things we should appreciate the most!!